There comes a time when love stops meaning
I will love you by leaving myself.
By saying yes when you mean no.
By doing more when your body is aching for rest.
By smiling while your insides quietly disappear.
By nourishing everyone around you while you silently starve.
By forgetting to love yourself when yours was the love you always needed the most.
Somewhere along the way we learned this.
We learned to smile when we felt small.
To listen when no one was listening to us.
To be easy.
To be low-maintenance.
To be a good girl.
We learned to flatten ourselves to fit.
Not because something was wrong with us
but because the body is brilliant.
The body will become anything it needs
to survive,
to be loved,
to belong.
And when we are children, learning the ways of the world, the body learns. Round the shoulders and tighten the jaw.
Stay quiet.
Smile.
Shield the heart.
Our bodies build a whole personality around protection.
And without realizing,
we carry that shape into adulthood.
Into our love.
Day after day
we over-give,
over-explain,
over-function.
We call it love because it’s what we know.
because it feels familiar,
because it is the same shape we learned.
And life keeps reflecting it back to us.
Until –
There comes a time when love stops meaning
I will love you by leaving myself.
Love begins to mean that you stay.
You stay with her, inside you.
You breathe.
You feel.
You let your throat tighten as you ask for space.
You let your chest ache as you rest without earning it.
You listen to the voice that says... not this... and as you tremble– you say no.
You learn that healing doesn't mean getting rid of sensation.
It doesn’t mean that the fear goes away.
It means you feel the fear and you stay.
You stay with breath.
You stay with your body.
And love no longer costs you yourself.
